Every 6 weeks I go to hospital. They have to check a few things. Cancer cells, thyroxin levels and calcium. My para thyroid was damaged in the op and as a result my body doesn’t produce calcium.
Going back to hospital is always difficult. It jolts me back to the few months earlier this year. Waiting for the scan results and blood tests is hard. Doctors and nurses amaze me and I totally take my hat off to them. I also have lots of love for the NHS. Yes there are issues but wow are we lucky in this country. Sometimes I pop into my ward to say hello to the people who took amazing care of me. The wheel of life goes on.
I wonder if it’s easier for the dying or the loved one of the dying?
Illness and death are a part of life. You are a lucky being if you can walk through life without ill health. None of us know what’s around the corner perhaps that’s the beauty of life. This highlights the importance of being present, in the moment. It really is all we have. Not in a negative way, in a wonderful precious way. Live each day as if it was your last.
When I say everything has changed, I mean everything had changed. Of course I’m still Kate. Of course life goes on but somehow I feel different. This time last year I didn’t have cancer. I lived alone in central London. I was a full time photographer. A year later I’m engaged, living in north London, a yoga teacher (and photographer) and I have been through cancer.
A large part of my 20’s involved parties, late nights, music and general over indulgence. I am so grateful for those days but that part of my life is now closed. I have a second chance and so I do everything in my power to be well. Fun and good times continues just in a different way.
The most important lesson I take from the last year is that life is all about perspective. We create our world with our thoughts. The power of the mind is remarkable.
Good thoughts. Good words. Good deeds.
So here I am, listening to the rain in the South of France. I’ve made it. It’s the beginning of April and I feel healthy.
I’ve gained weight, I can practice yoga. I’m even enjoying a glass of wine! I’m not quite sure what happened over the last few months but it felt like I went through a tumble dryer. I feel like Kate but somehow different. Simple things are important to me now. I think (hope) I have more gratitude for the people in my life.
Sometimes people can loose their way in life, step off their path for whatever reason, love loss, trauma, self doubt, job loss etc which can lead to all kinds of problems. Change can be the most frightening thing for all of us but sometimes it’s what we need. I can see change on my horizon. Courage is what is needed but I am excited about the future and have a renewed lust for life….
I’m out. I can breath fresh air and walk in the English countryside. Staffordshire I love you.
So I just had my scan… now I wait. Anyone who has had an MRI will know how horrible they are, the drip, claustrophobia and the noise like you are on the M6 motorway. They are vital, they give us the answers.
I just had my saddest moment of this whole experience so far. I hope this post isn’t too depressing but cancer IS depressing. As I sat waiting for my scan a little girl of 10 maybe went in to another scan room with her dad, she had no hair and was thin. What must their life be like.?.. SOO much time in hospital and she must feel SOOO poorly. She was strong like an ox and courageous like a lion. He was trying his best. I shed a tear.
I pray that cancer stays away from my life, from me , from my friends, my family and one day my children.
The last four months have been, well words don’t describe. It’s now time to take stock, process, somehow move on. It’s up to me.
This is a plea to anyone who reads this and to all the people that you now. If you are healthy- be grateful, be happy. Live each day to the full.
This morning I meditated and then practiced gently for 45 minutes. I feel good, energy and well being now flows through my body.
I’m up, little sleep but very excited to be going home. Overall it’s been OK, better than my last visit to hospital but at times a little hard.. not being bale to leave, not breathing fresh air. Last night when I was feeling blue I took to my yoga mat and it’s amazing how energy and mood shifts.
Do fishermen / sailors use the shipping forecast? it’s feels like it’s from a different time. I love it, it’s very calming and it makes me dream of the sea.
I feel like a bag of gold has been put in front of me and then taken away. They said my radiation levels have come down, I could go home tonight and come back tomorrow for the scan. YES!!!
Then they changed there minds… no leaving for me. The lady in the room next to me Jasmina was allowed home. She has been my company, we could chat over the lead. Now she’s gone. I’m gutted. This is a surreal, pretty grim experience but it just got worse. I know it’s not long now and I MUST count blessings and be grateful. It’s kind of hard to when the radioactive cleaning day are in Jasmina’s room and I can hear the buzzing…
20 hours left…